Posted by: Molly | March 15, 2010

stranded on a desert island

That’s how I’m sort of feeling about this whole egg fairy thing.   I love reading your comments because many of you get it in the way my friends do not.   It’s not like I can call up my best friend to discuss my cycle because none of them have done what I am doing.  Many of you get it because you are or have been or are contemplating being on this journey.  It’s totaly different than doing IVF.  To me I would identify it with embryo adoption.  While my husband will be part of this baby genetically I’m not, but I will be nuturing it the most.  It will be made from me.  Sort of interesting to think about.  It’s sort of like charting a deserted island searching for that elusive pregnancy and baby.  My friends may be supportive, but they really don’t totally get my feelings.

***  pg friend mentioned…***  I did something today I have not done in ages with a smile on my face.  I went shopping for and purchased an adorable baby girl outfit.  I actually had fun.  The friend I had along with has no clue what we are doing – she is not married yet and freaks out that she will get pregnant on the pill – so she can not remotely relate to my situation and it’s not worth me telling her.  Anyway I had fun shopping for the baby outfit and  I wish I could be there in person to give it to her next month.  Totally bums me out that we live so far away.  I’ve also started thinking about nursey stuff.  What am I doing?  I can’t get past the fact that this won’t work.  I am stuck in the make believe fairy land that it is going to work.  Odd are in my favor, but we all know about odd.  They lie.  If this does not work I am going to be hiding under a rock for several weeks.  Just warning you now.  My husband says he doesn’t care if it works the first, second or even third time because we get six tries.  Gee thanks honey.  Had to remind him of all the shots he has to give along the way and the sex he is not having at the moment.  I’m just not in the mood and well with all that estrogen up there I’m just not up for it.  Blue discharge.  ewwww….  gross!  My skin is also sensitive to the touch and I don’t want to be touched much of the time.  Poor guy.  I told him why the no go on the sex and his response was you aren’t going to want to do it for 9 months anyway.  I reminded him that might change once I’m off this awful medicine.   So anyway I don’t care if we paid for six tries.  I want it to work the first time and I’d love a few on ice.    I am full of hopes dreams at this point.  Very optimistic. 

Tomorrow is another lining check.  My boobs are getting sore.  I don’t recall this feeling before so maybe my lining is really doing what it is supposed too – getting thick!  Let’s hope so!

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Responses

  1. I loved reading this, you seem very calm and hopeful. Good luck with the lining. I’m pulling for you.

    • thanks! the calm comes and goes… I do try hard!

  2. sending you some good vibes and some positive energy for the thickest lining in world history!

    • I will put them to good use! Love your avatar!

  3. Stay ZEN as long as you can! I’m looking at the same program right now. Actually I think at the same clinic! I’m going down there next week for the ‘day of testing’…

    Mantra for the week!
    Ohhhmmm! Thiiiick, Fluuufffy, warm home, Ohhhmmmm!

    • I’m pretty sure it’s the same place. LOL! Your day of testing will fly by. We were done by 2:00 – which was nice. I have no idea which day we go yet – hoping next Friday!

  4. I can so relate to this post the hope and the non-hope, the breakdown of stats and odds. I swear once we have our kids in our arms, all of it, the shots and the smurf discharge and the lack of sex will have been worth it.

    • I was just thinking of a good name for the blue stuff today. Smurf really sums it up! Thanks for the laugh!

  5. Best of luck on your journey! You are so right, your baby will still be a part of you-TOTALLY 🙂

    2Jens

    • thank you!!!


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