Posted by: Molly | March 3, 2010

it’s a go!

The u/s and bloodwork were perfect and I start the estrogen tonight.  No more lupron – and hoping no more crankies too!  Boy I was bad.  At least I can laugh about it though.   It’s going to be  while of really nothing except a little estrogen here and a little estrogen there.  A few accupunture sessions tossed in for good measure and hopefully a BFP in the end!

I’m still thinking that there are a few things to come to term with and I think it will be an evolving process with the whole donor thing.  It’s hard to give up on myself and not being the genetic mother.  I will be the biological mother in one way because I will be helping grow my baby.  In another way it’s hard to know that she won’t have my eyes or my hands or my hair texture.  That is hard.  If she does it will make me really wonder.  It’s a hard thing to give up on.  However I know that my other option is adoption and while I am perfectly fine with adoption it breaks my heart for another mother to give up her child to me.  I would also like to know what my child is nourished with and I’m not saying that  I will be perfect, but I will know what is going into my body at all times.  As my better half says my cats love me and are wonderfully behaved and it’s because of me so any children we have will also love me (and I hope turn out well!)

What if this works?  Another freaking point.  I’m 38.  That’s not young, but I don’t think it’s old either, but I have friends with children graduating from high school this year and they are my age.  Freak me out.  I think that means I will be younger for longer – right?  I mean how can I not be as I will be going through all the younger childhood things now and they went through them when they were 18 years younger than me.  I hope that means I will be putting to use all my extra years of experience and that I have all my own personal kinks worked out.  I have lived my life fully to this point and I’m excited to take my children traveling.  Nothing crazy, but I’m ready to share my life with some littles.  From a lifestyle standpoint this means I need to take good care of myself and eat right – and exercise.  I do have to wonder if it really matters what age you are when you have kids.  I am starting to think it really doesn’t matter.  It’s the love that matters.

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Responses

  1. I think older moms have more perspective – we had our miracle boy at 36 and I was always the oldest mom (hard to believe I’m still trying for another at 44!!!) Don’t worry about your age, you’ll be great. You are so right, love is the thing that makes the most difference.

    Congratulations on getting the ball rolling – hope things really move now!

  2. No, I don’t think age matters much either. I’m a teacher and I know hanging around itty bitties makes you more playful and youthful. Must feel great to be past the lupron stage. Enjoy.


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