Posted by: Molly | December 8, 2009

Can I handle this?

When you stop to think about all the things it takes to be a mom it can seem like a lot.   Last night was one of those nights where dear husband had several middle of the night phone calls from work.  He is the heavy sleeper and I am not so I am the one jostling him (nice word for kick  I think?) so he gets up to answer it.  The next morning we are exhausted.  He is beyond whiney.  It’s his job and his choice to have a job like this so I think that means no whining -right? 

Then I think…. Is this what it’s like to have kids? I try to compare it and I don’t think it matches up.  First the phone calls create panic and get dear husband all excited – after all they are emergencies that require awake thinking skills.  He is trying to not talk loudly and keep me up, but he forgets quickly.  To me it’s not like a baby that needs a diaper changed and a bottle, what I would call quiet activities.  Still I wonder how tired I will feel and how I will function at work the next morning.  For some reason I can not imagine not working.  And then there are days like today where I would love to take this job and shove it.  DH did mention not working if we had twins.  How are we going to afford that?  I think that is a bridge to cross when we come to it.  Let the chips fall where they may.

And then there is the “more meds” and “more needles” that are to come.  Can I handle it?  I seem a bit calmer when I’m going for accupunture and she does give me these cool little beads for my ears to pinch when I need a chill out moment.  I think it’s all a state of mind and that I can handle whatever is to come since this is what we’ve been working for so hard for so long.  I am beyond giddy for my upcoming appointment!  I feel like it’s Christmas as a child.  Bouncing all over and not getting much done.

I started a list yesterday of all the things I would look for in a donor.  It is kind of fun and really it’s a list of me.  I know no one is exactly like me, but there are some things that are no brainers.  Hair and eye color, personality, and strengths in school.  I’m anxious to see the database!  Another Christmas type giddy moment.  I feel like I am getting my Christmas early.  Now about those Christmas cards….  ugh.  That is for another day.

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