Posted by: Molly | December 3, 2009

The Learning Curve

Not only is there my learning curve to navigate, but dear hubby also has some learning to do.  We discussed our upcoming trip to the new clinic and I mentioned how I wanted to start with only putting back in one blast if we make it to the blast stage and 2 if we do a 3 day transfer.  He immediately says he wants his money’s worth and we should put back in two.  I pointed out that the success rate is 50% or so with one blast and with 2 it is 73%, BUT the chance of twins is 50%.  I happen to think a 50% chance is pretty good and we will get more than one shot at this because we are doing the shared risk program.  He thinks twins would be cool.  Now I happen to think so too, BUT I’m 37 and to be honest need to exercise a bit more.  15 pounds later after several failed IVF’s I need to lose a bit of it.  I’m in good health, but it scares me to think about carrying two babies.  I know people do it all the time, but it scares me.  I think it’s a big risk.  One we might not need to take.  We finally agreed that we would go over the risks with the RE next week.  Seriously I would love two at once, but if we can get away with one at a time I’m all good with that too.  I did toss in how hard it would be to go back to work with twins as well.  I know it’s not impossible and can be done, but I just find the idea of it much harder in leaving two babies at home.  And I would be exhausted at work all day.  I’m not a nice person when I’m tired.  Let me just leave it at that.  Grump pants would become my permanent nickname.  If you think IF makes me a bit persnikity being tired is even worse.

So back to the job.  My job is awesome.  Really it is.  I love the people I work with – even more so because no one has kids at home anymore so I don’t have to listen to much kid talk.  My hours are good and I am paid a fair amount.  My benefits rock and I can’t say enough about all the time I get off for holidays and vacation days – and no I’m not a teacher nor do I work in government.  I work in an office, but get to wear jeans to work.  Really for someone who does what  I do that is unheard of.  Last job I had to wear suits.  I love my jeans!  I can now justify spending $80 on jeans because I used to spend that much on nice dress pants.  If I stayed at home I couldn’t buy those jeans.  I’m sure that it would be worth it in the end to be at home, but I’m just saying right now it’s nice so I’m enjoying it.  If there is one thing I have learned during this journey it would be that you can not put life on hold for the what-if’s.  What if I get pregnant and don’t get to wear this new outfit more than a few times?  One time I went over a year without really buying any new clothes.  What was I thinking?  Oh yeah – I might get pregnant.  Joke was on me!  So now when I see something cute and it fits the budget I sometimes splurge.  I still pause, but then I remember who knows if I will ever need maternity clothes.  So I buy it.   I think in the end it has helped me to deal with IF better when I stopped putting life on hold because I might get pregnant.  I’m pretty sure I will be one day and for now that hope keeps me afloat!

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Responses

  1. I can relate to so much of what you’re saying. I’m very overweight (not just 15lbs to lose) and am worried about multiples, but there is a certain something to be said about having twins and just being done. We want two kids and twins would get us there. It would be a little risky from a health standpoint, but at this point I’ll take what I can get and do whatever it takes to give myself the best chance of getting and staying pregnant.

    I also used to be ruled by the what if’s, I think as you move through the infertility process you just come to terms with dealing what is rather than what if.

  2. I should have read this before I hit post on my last post! It is all about taking what comes and dealing with it then. I’m a worry wort and planner – some things I just need to let go.

  3. I think everyone thinks twins are really cool until they realize the amount of work involved! Who will be the main caregiver? I think that person deserves the final say on how many blasts get transferred. I only had one transferred and am now pregnant (well, let’s hope it stays that way)… so it does work! Good luck with your decision.


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