Posted by: Molly | November 30, 2009

Traditions in the Making

During our years of dating and marriage we’ve created a few little traditions that make the holidays fun.  The first of the season …  cutting down the perfect Christmas tree.  We love the smell of a fresh pine tree and the challenge of finding the perfect one.  It could also be noted that finding a tree at the first place we go can be another challenge.    This year we hit the jackpot and got a great Douglas Fir on our first stop.  After last year I was very worried.  Last year when we went out tree hunting we stuck close to our new locale.  All of those tree farms allowed “tagging” – this means someone came out in early November and picked out their tree and will come back to cut it down in December.  They have “tagged” it.   Totally annoying  to me.  I mean really when you find a tree if you continue looking you won’t find that tree again unless you’ve marked it with your scarf or glove.   I have to wonder how many don’t come back for their tree too. 

So back to this year.  We drove about 45 minutes to a tree farm we found online.   The weather was perfect (in my mind at least) 50 and sunny.  My husband was begging for a sneak attack snow storm, but no such luck.  The tree was the perfect height at 8 feet and it even fit perfectly into the spot in our living room.  The not so perfect part is the magazine under the stand holding it just right to make it straight.  Does anyone else out there do the annual battle of getting the tree straight in the stand?  As a single gal I never had a problem, but my husband does and when at his parents they have a problem too.  I actually told him next year we are not doing it his way because it never works and never has worked.  We have the exact same problem when helping at his parents as they do it like he does.   I almost believe this is genetic.  My family…  we had fake tree’s.  Nothing genetic taken on my half.

This leads me to another dilema in this baby making process.  What things don’t we want to hand down to our children?   Traditions such as the tree trimming are not biological.   Getting it in the stand takes some mechanical aptitude – something the dear husband does not have!  Other things come from our DNA.  Now we all want our children to look like us, but do we want them to have all our quirks and such?  On my side there are things I wouldn’t want to hand down (and won’t be as a result of the egg donor process) and on hubbies side he has a few I would like to leave behind, but obviously can’t do.  Do I want my child having ADHD?  Do I want my child to deal with infertility issues?  Do I want a little hot head tantrum thrower?  Do I want those cute toes?  Now he is normally a sweety, but you know we all have those things we do that are part of us that we could make better.  I think this is where I leave it all up to God.  While I know we will get to see some things about our egg donor I really don’t want to get caught up in making this decision.  Should I care if they played soccer or were a dancer?  Should I care about their grades and major in college – if they went to college?  What really should matter?  I stunk at sports, can’t carry a tune to save my life and had decent grades.  Picking out a donor is making me nervous.  Should I make a list and stick to it or just go with my gut?



  1. Obviously IF sucks but one of the nicest things is that we will feel so extremely lucky to be having a baby that maybe things like it getting good grades, being great at sports etc won’t matter to us? I’m normally such a control freak (I tell my hubby how to fold his clothes, how to place the cups in the cupboard blah blah blah) so you can see I’d be worried about being a naggy parent. But, maybe I won’t – maybe I’ll be the opposite and let it do whatever it wants and maybe I’ll end up spoiling it rotten because I’ll be so damn grateful to have had it? haha. To answer your question though, I’d make a very small list but be flexible and go with your gut instinct if you feel something at the time.

  2. Have you looked at donors yet? I found it a totally muddling process… the stats and figures, the family history, the written answers, the audio interview… one of these sometimes ruled out the person entirely! Anyway, you never really know, because your own genetic child could have zero of your characteristics and look like ugly uncle “Joe” or something… and by the same token your DE baby could not look anything like the donor, rather her 6′ 2″ brother! Let me know how it goes.

    • Now you have given me even more to think about! LOL! I knew we would see a lot of info, but didn’t stop to think about what it would be. Genetics are such an interesting thing. I will let you know how it goes. I think we get our first peek next week. Wish it was sooner, but since I’m not in the program yet that donor could be picked and gone before I’m in and then I’d be left to start all over.


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